South Africa 2013

Rocking in my seat and rising up to grab my bag, I could hardly believe that I was finally back to the place where my heart claimed its home.  Joy filled my heart and tears enveloped me knowing I would soon see the children that I loved so much and whose joy inspired me to find my own in the Lord, whose hearts were steadfast, yet so broken, and whose need to be loved called me in.  Our first adventure began at a church in Madumaleeng where we encountered passionate and joyful followers of Christ.  We danced and we sang and I was amazed and refreshed by their passionate spirits and their joy despite having so little. Why, when we have so much, are we still so unhappy? Perhaps because their treasure is in a different, fulfilling place.

After church I was simply full of excitement for I knew this was only a taste of the week to come.  A day later the teenage aged orphans arrived and I jumped in anticipation, I so loved them, so missed them, and so begged for their hurried arrival.  When their bus pulled up I screamed with joy and hugged each and every one of them earnestly.  Good gracious I love those kids! A bit of awkward introductions slid by and the retreat began. Talk after talk went by and unfamiliarity and anxiety faded to the background as openness and acceptance fled in. We made posters and skits and songs and raps, but more importantly we learned together about our walks with Christ and we built lasting relationships filled with love. I instantly cliqued with my girls Dolly, Makoma, Pertunia, Girly, and Juliet, and I desperately wanted them to know how much I loved them, and how much God loves them.  I told Girly one night and her face turned into a shocked and amazed gaze as if she questioned if anyone could actually love her. The next morning I heard a “Maddie, Maddie!” from her, and shortly after the miraculous words, “I love you.”  With this love God’s kingdom is built.  The kids left the next day and although I knew I would see them in a couple days when we visited their drop in center, it was still so hard to say goodbye to them. I wrote each of the girls at my table letters that told them how much I love them, how amazing they are, that I will never forget them, but more importantly that God will never forget these children who feel like they’ve been forgotten their entire lives. I reminded them that God uses the least likely to restore His kingdom, and that He deeply and passionately loves them.  I told them not to read them until they were on the bus, and immediately when they got on they all pulled out their letters and read. I saw tears roll down their cheeks, and I watched Girly mouth the words, “I will never forget you.” She looked at me with her deep brown eyes, and their was this hope instilled in her that I hadn’t seen before accompanied by an amazement that this love she felt was real, and that it wasn’t just a passing feeling, but that it was a commitment. I wept as their bus drove away, missing my beautiful children already.

            The following day we ventured down to Segkopo village to visit an orphan drop in center there.  I was extremely excited to visit because I hoped that the girls that were in my retreat group the past year would be there so I could see them again. We got there and I searched all around, but I didn’t see them. My heart dropped with disappointment until I realized how selfish my expectations were, and that I needed to focus on the kids around me and love them the best I knew how. We began playing with the kids, high fiving them, and smiling back at their beaming faces. The amazing Segkopo choir performed for us, and their angelic voices brought me to tears because I was overwhelmed with love for them and amazed by the joy of the Lord. When they turned towards me, I saw three of my girls in the choir that I had met last year, and I was so excited! The love we shared was so real and they ran up to me, embracing me and saying, “Maddie! You came back! You didn’t forget about us!” For me, the whole trip was worth them realizing that truth because they have lived most of their lives believing that they are forgotten, that they aren’t loved, and that they are abandoned, yet by the beauty of God’s love the truth was made known to them. We got to talk more and hug and kiss and play and dance with each other and with all the kids, and I could feel the joy of the Lord.  I picked up children with the most desperate faces, and my heart broke knowing that they may have never been held by someone who loved them before. They may have never felt love through touch before, yet they deserve all the love in the world. As I picked up child after child, orphan after orphan, they clung to me, and the pain of the release stung me.  I just want to hold them forever, and protect them, and love them with the love of their Father, which is why it’s so hard to let go, but I knew I needed to trust in the Lord and know that He is holding their hearts. 

            The day after visiting Segkopo, we went to Madumeleeng drop in center, which is where the retreat kids were from. We were all very excited to see the kids again, but I had even more excitement because I knew I was going to meet the boy that I sponsor and the children that my dad sponsors. I heard so many people talk about how awesome it was to meet their sponsor child, and I couldn’t wait. When we first stepped out of the van I saw Girly and Juliet, and I sprinted to them and gave them such tight hugs. I love them so much. “You came back! You came back!” They exclaimed. We sang and danced together and with the other kids at the drop in center, and the Lord’s presence was real. Soon after I met Thapelo, the child that I sponsor, and the two other girls that my dad sponsors. I felt the love that parents feel for children when I met them because that’s exactly how I viewed them. My love for them multiplied by infinity if that’s even possible.  I hugged them tightly and told them how much I loved them, and that I prayed for them everyday.  They were all shy at first, but when we started dancing together I saw their beautiful, beaming smiles and they began to open up. Seeing their smiles literally melted my heart because I just wanted to know that they felt joy. Later Thapelo and I made a secret handshake that I won’t forget, and I held him in my arms for as long as possible. Girly, Juliet, and I would find each other’s faces and smile and I could feel the love that we shared.  All too quickly it was time to say goodbye, and this was by far the hardest goodbye I have ever had to say.  I first said goodbye to my dad’s kids, reminding them how much he loved them, and then to Thapelo. Leaving him hurt so much and brought me to tears because I wanted to take care of him, to keep him safe, and to hold him and love him, and I couldn’t.  I had to leave him to a dangerous place full of sorrow and pain and hope that the Lord would protect him. My heart yearns to love him more, and it’s so difficult to be so far away.  Next, I had to say goodbye to Girly and Juliet, two girls that I had completely fallen in love with.  We said goodbye and they left only to return to say it again five or six more times, and it became harder each time. Finally, all overwhelmed by tears, we just prayed and prayed together, until we finally had to leave. My heart tore leaving them.  I can only hope they truly know the reality of the love I have for them, and that they are overwhelmed by the love of Christ. I pray that he raises them up as leaders, that they become his disciples, and that they live in Him, and that he fills them completely.

We finished up our trip by going on an African safari!!  While I was so thankful for this because it was so awesome to see God’s amazing creation and because it was a great time to debrief, it was also difficult because it’s not where my heart wanted to be and most of the time my mind was going back to the orphans, wondering about them and thinking of them, but I tried to be as present as possible. We were able to see a lion, giraffes, zebras, hippos, rhinos, and even pet a cheetah! (Which my parents were not thrilled to be told.  Oopsies (: ) The safari was a blast and our insane driver Jaco made it even better as he wasn’t afraid of taking down trees or getting stuck 20 meters from a lion as long as we got to see it. I am convinced he’s insane. Still, it was a great way to end the trip.

Finally, it became time to depart for the states, and my heart was broken.  I didn’t want to leave my beautiful children that my heart yearns to love, but as Doug reminded us, God brings us here to send us back. It was now my duty to go and tell about all that I saw, learned, and experienced; it was my duty to tell of the brokenness and the joy and the hope.  Still, even while doing this, it’s so difficult to try and help others understand the full change and to realize that I can’t become frustrated if they don’t understand.  I struggle everyday with anger over the materialism, pride, and selfishness of our world when so many people are suffering and are in desperate need, and it just makes me sad.  But I know I need to hope in the Lord, that I need to share my story and love on people here so they may have the heart of the Lord.  I know that the brokenness of our world is not the fault of our God, for this is not the world he created, but rather it is our own sin that crucified him, and as his church, as his body, as his hands and feet we are called to be Jesus to the broken, the widowed, and the orphaned. As the church I beg you, please take this call and this commissioning seriously, for this world is in desperate need of our Jesus. We are called to be selfless and full of love, and to be tools for God’s hands to extend and hold the world. And we should act as his church not because of any rewards we might receive, but instead because we are overwhelmed by the love of the Lord, and because we want to love him back completely. So please, let’s be the church and live out the love that this world is so desperate for.